


Risk Assessment

by extraordinary



Series: Contractual [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: (Half-)Demon!Rin, BUCKETS OF ANGST, Kuroshitsuji-inspired AU, M/M, Post-Eternal Summer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-05
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-03-16 12:38:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3488549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/extraordinary/pseuds/extraordinary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What <i>are</i> you offering?"</p><p>Rin freezes in his tracks, clearly taken aback by the unapologetically blunt nature of Haruka's question. The knowledge that Rin hadn't thought quite <i>that</i> far ahead does a lot to soothe his frayed nerves. "Practically anything you want, Haru. It's pretty much your call."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Lighthouse

**Author's Note:**

> Right! Let's get the warnings out of the way, first: 
> 
> This fanfic contains mentions of death/mortality (mainly at half-demon!Rin's very reluctant hands). It kind of comes with the genre, I'm afraid. Considering the dynamics between demon & master, **I also feel like I should warn for possible consent issues and other related, problematic themes that might come up in this 'verse.** I do intend to make it 300% clear that anything happening between them is very mutual — but even then, it technically still falls under "dubious consent" at best (and Haruka is an unreliable narrator here, as well). I won't blame you if that's not your cup of tea. 
> 
> This particular part in the series takes place pre-contract, though. :)
> 
> Some familiarity with Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler will definitely help, but this story is based so loosely on the premise that I don't really think it's a requirement. Let's just say I've taken a lot of liberties, OK? This is set post-Eternal Summer, but right before graduation. Everything is the same as in the usual _Free!_ canon, except Rin is ~~one hell of a swimmer~~ a demon.

**“You get what anybody gets - you get a lifetime.”**  
**―[Neil Gaiman](http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1221698.Neil_Gaiman), _[The Sandman, Vol. 1: Preludes and Nocturnes](http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1228437) _**

 

February, Haruka has slowly come to accept over the years, is a month that never fails to leave unnecessary change and trouble in its wake. The first time he'd noticed this tiresome effect had been way back in 6th grade, when it'd swept his entire life up in its undercurrent and left him struggling to catch his breath long after he'd eventually managed to fight his way back up to the surface.

_"Hello there. My name is Matsuoka Rin. I previously attended Sano Elementary School..."_

Rin _—_ although, at the time, he'd still been an extremely grudging 'Matsuoka' in Haruka's mind _—_ had been popular from the very get-go. During his first breaktime as an official student at Iwatobi Elementary School, Haruka somewhat reluctantly recalls, the majority of their classmates had immediately surrounded Rin's freshly appointed desk and had then proceeded to rush him with an endless list of questions.

It's been almost seven whole years, since then, but Haruka still remembers everything with startling clarity; from how irritated he'd been with their inconsiderate behaviour, to the exact way he'd scoffed at the unnecessary clamouring for Rin's attention and approval. They'd all just behaved so childishly in their impatience to discover what kind of video games the latest addition to their class liked to play best, which subjects he preferred, and, most importantly: just what he'd transferred schools at such an usual time of year for. It'd been absolutely _maddening_.

In hindsight, of course, Haruka may actually be forced to admit that his own reaction to Rin's introduction in his life hadn't been all that different _._ There's really no point in denying how intrigued he'd been by Rin's infuriatingly confident aura _—_ and the brazen challenge in his gaze, as well  _—_ ever since the moment they'd first laid eyes upon each other, after all.

Despite all of _that_ , though, the mere idea that there might've been something unnatural about the way they'd all been drawn into Rin's orbit back then is laughable at best. Rin simply wouldn't have been satisfied with such an easy win. He likely never will be, either. Certain parts of Rin, Haruka now knows very well, are unmistakably _human_ that way.

And if Rin were truly in the habit of abusing his unnatural abilities in order to achieve whatever he wants to, then there would've been no reason for him to return from Australia so broken and defeated, either.

No, Haruka has never doubted the authenticity of their friendship. _Not even once._ If there's one thing he knows for certain, it is that the insistent pull he feels towards Rin — incredibly inconvenient, not to mention distracting, as it may be — is 100% genuine. All of which is probably why Haruka can't say he's terribly surprised when a brand new February, years later, brings another fresh dose of problems with it. One might even say he'd been _expecting_ it.

 

* * *

 

"Yo, Haru. I know it's getting a little late —"

"What are you doing here?" Haruka interjects, underlining his question with an unimpressed frown, and briefly entertains the thought of refusing his unexpected guest entrance. Sending Rin on his way over to Makoto's instead sounds like a much better idea than allowing him to come inside does, especially considering the fact that the majority of the sitting room has already been decorated for tomorrow's party. If he lets Rin come in _now_ , then the surprise will inevitably be ruined (and Nagisa's unlikely to ever let either of them live it down). "Don't you have a curfew to keep, or something...?"

"It's Friday night!" Rin retorts, just as irritably, then abruptly seems to think better of it and changes tack so smoothly it makes Haruka's head spin. "You're not seriously thinking of making me explain myself out here on your doorstep, are you? That's pretty cold, y'know. Even for you _._ "

"You didn't seem to have a problem with that the last time you showed up here unannounced," Haruka returns dryly. For good measure, he pointedly nudges his chin in the direction of Makoto's house (just a little further down the stone steps behind Rin). "The light in Makoto's room is still on. Go bother him instead."

Much to Haruka's consternation, though, his words only cause Rin to narrow his eyes. "What're you so worried about, Haru?" He demands, then, and takes a haughty step closer to curl the fingers of one hand around the edge of the sliding door. "I'm not planning on dragging you off to Sydney again any time soon. _Relax_."

Haruka knows when to cut his losses. Scowling deeply, he reluctantly moves aside to let Rin pass with a muttered: "Fine _._ "

True to form, Rin doesn't appear discouraged by Haruka's ire in the least. He merely shoots Haruka an unexpectedly grateful look and hurriedly squeezes his way into the genkan, where he immediately sets about toeing off his shoes and untying the knot of his — impossibly soft and luxurious looking — scarf. Knowing Rin, the thing's most likely made out of cashmere. "Finally," Haruka catches him mutter underneath his breath, then, although there's surprisingly little bite to it. "No point in letting the cold in, you know?"

"I thought you didn't get cold?" Haruka points out mulishly (in a rather futile effort not to appear _too_ soft on him). Even so, He dutifully accepts the scarf from Rin and neatly hangs it up on one of the smaller hooks attached to the wall next to him either way. It turns out he'd been right: the delicate fabric cannot possibly be anything other than cashmere. Having demonic blood running through your veins comes with a multitude of fashionable perks, apparently. "Never mind," He belatedly amends, somewhat awkwardly, before Rin has time to realise the question hadn't been as rhetorical as it'd sounded. "You can stay over on one condition."

Rin's hands — where they'd been steadily working on unbuttoning the toggles of his coat — falter noticeably in response to Haruka's improvised ultimatum. The instant wave of protest Haruka'd been expecting (and had accordingly prepared himself for) doesn't come, though.

In fact, there isn't even a ripple on the surface of the water. At all. 

"Right," Rin eventually manages (even more awkwardly). "Which condition would that be, then...?"

Haruka'd have to be as good as blind to miss the obvious signs: Rin is _nervous_ about something. Temporarily filing that particular piece of information — along with the resulting unease pooling in his gut — to the back of his mind, Haruka points a threatening finger at the large sliding doors on his right. "This room is off-limits. One peek inside, Rin, and you'll find yourself sleeping out on the porch."

Rin's eyes momentarily follow the path of Haruka's index finger, before landing squarely back on Haruka's face. "You're not hiding a body in there, are you? Because I could actually make myself _very useful_ , in that case. All you've got to do is ask."

"That won't be necessary." Haruka hastily assures him, as neutrally as possible, and makes a significant effort to hide the way his stomach turns at the very implication. Part of him can't help but wish Rin would refrain from mentioning those kind of things around him so offhandedly, but it's only a _small_ part, really, and it's easily ignored in favour of treasuring the knowledge that Rin feels comfortable enough around him to make such inappropriate jokes in the first place.

It's not Rin's fault. Haruka _knows_ that.

All living creatures require substance of some kind, after all, but that doesn't mean Haruka enjoys hearing Rin boast about how easy it'd be for him to dispose of a body (or how he wouldn't even be fazed by the sight of a corpse at all). Haruka isn't like Yamazaki. He'd tried to be, for a while, but it hadn't worked out. It's simply impossible for him to be that nonchalant about these things.

Even for Rin's sake.

No. The less Haruka knows about _this_ particular aspect of Rin's life, the better. That's for sure.

"Suit yourself," Rin's voice smoothly breaks through Haruka's involuntary reverie, then. He's nudging his shoes further into a corner with the very tip of a socked foot, now, while he distractedly reaches past Haruka to hang his coat up on one the same hook as his scarf. Haruka patiently waits for him to finish the entire routine (and even manages to successfully hold his tongue somehow). "You could've just told me you'd already put the decorations up, you know? It's not like I'd try to sneak a peek at them. _Jerk_."

"Takes one to know one," Haruka returns curtly, unwilling to dignify the rest of Rin's comment with an answer. Or the unerringly knowing gaze currently being directed at him, for that matter. "Go wait upstairs, Rin. I'll bring a tray up to my room. "

 

* * *

 

Leaving the boiling water to sit for a while, Haruka decides to wander out into the sitting room on a whim. He'd almost forgotten to turn the lights off in there. And it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to tidy up the tools he'd used to hang up a set of festive garlands, either.

He makes another spur-of-the-moment decision on his way back into the kitchen by picking up the magazine he'd been trying to read — with the help of a woefully out-dated _**English** - > **Japanese**_ dictionary, that is — before he'd been interrupted by Rin's arrival. The well-thumbed book is the only frivolous purchase he'd made during his short stay in Australia. It holds an interesting looking article about the breathtaking infinity pool at the Marina Bay Sands resort in Singapore, complete with a stunning 4-page spread, so it had definitely been more than worth the money he'd spent on it.

Perhaps Rin can even be persuaded to translate parts of it for Haruka (in exchange for a Japanese-style breakfast tomorrow morning). In any case, Haruka'd _really_ like to swim in a similar pool one day. He wouldn't mind it at all if Rin decided to come with him, either. Sharing the experience with him might actually be pretty nice.

Distracted with the possibility of getting to swim under the thick cover of tropical rain clouds one day, Haruka takes just a little longer than usual to rinse out a pair of small bowls and place them on a faux-wooden tray — decorated with brightly coloured sunflowers, the exact colour of Nagisa's hair — next to the teapot his parents had given him for Christmas last year.

By the time he makes it up to his room, Rin has already made himself comfortable at the foot of the bed: Haruka finds him sitting cross-legged on top of the cover with hands in his lap (and he appears to be occupying himself with the removal of a hangnail from the side of one of his thumbs).

"Why haven't you taken out the spare futon yet?" Haruka can't quite stop himself from asking — although he makes a conscious effort to keep his voice from sounding _too_ accusing — as he makes his way into the room. He shoots Rin a pointed look, then, while blindly placing the tray (along with the magazine) down onto the edge of his desk. "I thought you didn't like sharing the bed."

To Haruka's utter surprise — and alarm, as well — Rin practically curls up on himself in response. He doesn't even try to make it look like it'd just been a shiver or a muscle spasm, either. Haruka's just about to open his mouth and call Rin out on his uncharacteristic behaviour, when he's suddenly stopped in his tracks by Rin's equally startling answer.

"You might not want me to stick around after you find out what I'm here for, Haru."

Haruka is still reeling from the abrupt change in atmosphere (and isn't sure how to respond without setting Rin off even further, at all), so he clumsily settles for a blunt: "Try me."

"That's the plan," Rin agrees despondently. His posture practically screams _miserable_ and _defensive_. His fists tighten underneath Haruka's bewildered stare, until the tips of his knuckles are as white as the stripes on his sweatshirt. "I just need to figure out where to start first, OK?"

Haruka scrambles desperately for something to say that will bring back the playful, assertively teasing Rin he'd found in his genkan only a couple of minutes ago, but, in hindsight, he probably really shouldn't have left Rin to his own devices for so long. He'd _known_ something was bothering Rin, hadn't he? He just hadn't expected it all to blow up before they'd even finished their maccha.

Speaking of ——— "I made green tea. It's probably ready to drink by now."

It's a rather crude solution, and Haruka knows it'll only be a temporary one at best, but it seems to do the trick just fine: Rin blinks in confusion — just once at first, then twice more (in rapid succession) — and makes a weird noise in the back of his throat. Something that might've counted for a chuckle, if only it hadn't sounded as choked as it did.

Haruka suddenly becomes uncomfortably aware of the fact that he's _just standing there like an idiot,_ in the middle of his own bedroom, so he hurriedly retrieves their drinks from the tray  and approaches the bed. When Rin doesn't make any recognisable attempt to stop him, Haruka wordlessly sits down next to him.

He leaves a little space in between their bodies at first, but soon finds himself scooting closer along the edge of the mattress. Until his left thigh sort of slots itself into the available space under Rin's right knee, and their shoulders bump together, in what he hopes will come across as a form of unspoken comradeship. It's rare for _Haruka_ to be the one to initiate this kind of skinship between them, but he's willing to make an exception once in a while. For Rin, if nothing else.

To his relief, though, Rin as good as immediately reaches out to accept one of the faintly steaming bowls — even though he appears to be avoiding Haruka's concerned eyes, now — and brings it up to his lips for an experimental sip. Haruka instinctively imitates the movement, momentarily losing himself in the comforting heat on his tongue and the familiar sensation of warmth gradually spreading out from the back of his throat to the very pit of his stomach.

The tea has proven itself to have been a good idea, then.

"You already know my eighteenth birthday's kind of a big deal, right?" Rin eventually begins, in a strained half-whisper Haruka would be glad to never hear from him again, placing what's left of his drink down on the floor. The oddly comfortable silence that had begun to settle over the room dissipates as quickly as it had appeared. "Apparently there's a catch I'd never even heard of before. It's something like a rite of passage for my old man's kind, I guess? An obligatory one."

Haruka hums in subdued encouragement, trying not to let on how uneasy this topic of conversation never fails to make him feel. He doesn't _want_ to know more about this side of Rin, and he really doesn't need any further reminders of how different Rin truly is from all of his friends. Why can't this be a swimming related issue instead? Haruka would've at least been able to offer some advice, then.

Seemingly unaware of Haruka's inner turmoil, Rin hastily continues: "It's all so fucking _stupid._ And there's only so much my mother can tell me about it, you know? I really hate how hard this whole thing's been on her."

"Is she all right?" Haruka asks, in spite of his continued reluctance to discuss these kind of things. He has only seen Rin's mother once since their impromptu trip to Australia, but she'd always treated him very kindly in the past. It's virtually impossible for him to think of her as a complete stranger now that he's aware of her son's secret, as well. He knows Rin is still struggling to forgive all of the lies he'd been told while he was growing up, but Haruka understands why he'd been kept in the dark about everything for so long.

It's not Matsuoka-san's fault her husband left her in charge of raising her children — and teaching the eldest what little she knows about his heritage, to boot — all on her own, after all. She's only _human_.

"No," Rin eventually replies, after a long pause, half-heartedly picking at a loose thread near the edge of one of his socks. He _still_ isn't meeting Haruka's eyes. "I'm pretty sure she meant it when she said goodbye to me earlier."

Haruka's breath catches in his throat.

Now he's the one who's afraid to look at Rin. He glances down at the upturned palm on Rin's knee, instead, and suddenly finds himself reaching out to touch its centre before he can think better of it. He tentatively slides his fingers upwards and into the open spaces between Rin's own, then, and waits for gravity to take care of the rest until their palms meet.

Rin's skin is a little clammy, and there's a rough little patch on the knuckle of his index finger that matches one of the calluses on Haruka's own drawing hand perfectly: the result of many hours spent studying for his finals, no doubt. Haruka absent-mindedly worries at it with the pad of his thumb. "What are you saying?" He demands, as soon as he's certain his voice will cooperate. He's not surprised at all when it comes shamefully small, but at least he's able to _look_ at Rin again now. "You're scaring me, Rin."

"I'm _so_ _sorry_ ," Rin croaks, then, hesitantly turning watery eyes on Haruka. He kind of looks like he's only a hair's breadth away from completely breaking out into tears. "I didn't want to get you involved, but I just don't —"

" _Rin_ ," Haruka interrupts, feeling increasingly powerless, as he continues to clutch at Rin's limp fingers (and tries very, very, very hard not to think about any of the possible reasons the gesture isn't being returned). This isn't about _him,_ or any of the muddled feelings he's been harbouring for Rin for quite some time now. It wouldn't do for him to unnecessarily complicate things even more. "Just tell me what's going on. You've barely told me _anything._ "

Rin doesn't raise his voice in retaliation, like Haruka'd come to expect him to. Nor does he point out the obvious hypocrisy in Haruka's accusation, which only serves to unsettle Haruka even more.

"I'm running out of time, all right?" Rin reveals, at last, and throws Haruka a pitiful attempt at a brave little smile as a bonus. "Starving, too. It's like my dad's funeral all over again, and I'm fucking terrified of losing control like that a second time. I don't even want to think about how much more damage I could do _now_."

There are so many things Haruka desperately wants to tell him, then, but all that comes out is a weak: "Then why haven't you done the rite yet?"

"I thought it'd go away on its own eventually," Rin replies, hunching in on himself in what can only be described as pure defeat. "It just started out like this feeling I couldn't shake off, y'know? Like growing pains, or something. It wasn't a big deal. I figured I'd just wait it out."

"But...?" Haruka prompts, because he _knows_ he isn't being told everything yet.

Rin looks away. "It didn't work," He whispers dejectedly into his lap. "Now that noose is back around my neck again, and I'm so fucking hungry all the time. I've been sneaking out of the dorms more often than not this whole damn week. It's _awful_ , Haru."

Even though Haruka has been bracing himself for a revelation like that since the mention of Matsuoka Toraichi's funeral, he still can't fight off the involuntary shudder making its way down his spine.

They're not talking about regular food here, after all.

At all.

Haruka doesn't want to spook Rin into clamming shut again (or make him feel needlessly guilty), but something urgent and insistent compels him to ask one more question. "What about tonight?"

" _Haru_ ," Rin says, then, in a tone of voice Haruka has never heard him use before. "You can't seriously be telling me it hasn't even crossed your mind that I might be here for that."

"Of course it hasn't!" Haruka replies, so quickly and vehemently that it appears to startle both of them. "That's  —"

"This isn't a fucking social visit, you idiot!" Rin angrily cuts him off, wrenching his hand free from Haruka's to retreat further up the mattress until his back hits the wall with a dull thud. He's got his knees pulled up against his chest like a shield before Haruka even has a _chance_ to react. "Haven't you got any sense of self-preservation at all...?! You're talking to a demon, remember? A hungry one, too! When are you going to learn how to _read between the lines_?"

Haruka swallows his initial — and admittedly rather vicious, at that — reply, and sets his rapidly cooling tea down on the headboard with surprisingly steady hands. It's probably already disgustingly lukewarm by now, anyway.

"Get to the point, Rin."

It's still a little harsh, he knows, but it gets the job done perfectly. Rin finally stops trying to hide his face with a curtain of hair (in favour of levelling him with a seething glare).

"You're right: I'm not here for a quick meal. Con _-fucking-_ gratulations," Rin announces humourlessly, in a way that uncomfortably reminds Haruka of their fight just before the preliminaries at Regionals. It doesn't make him feel very triumphant, either. "There's only one other thing demons are known to do, though, isn't there? I'm trying to offer you a _deal_ with me, you absolute —"

"It's not my fault you're not doing a very good job of it, is it?" Haruka resentfully interjects, although his head is spinning and he's starting to feel rather ill under Rin's piercing gaze. He refuses to be intimidated, however. He's never been afraid of Rin, not _once_ , and he isn't about to start now. "I don't even know what that _means_. Is it going to stop you from starving, if I accept?"

The room is silent for an unbearably long time. It feels like an entire season passes by outside Haruka's window (hidden from view by the heavy fabric of his curtains), before Rin eventually responds with a wary nod. "That's about the gist of it."

"What happens if I don't?" Haruka forces himself to ask, fighting the sudden overwhelming urge to rub at his eyes. He ends up placing an uncomfortably sweaty palm down on top of each of Rin's knees. Just to keep his hands occupied. He's perfectly capable of reading between the lines. He's just having trouble actually believing it. That's all. "Just tell me, Rin."

"Then I'll just have to find another poor unfortunate soul, won't I?" Rin snaps, although there's very little heat behind it. The fight has left his eyes completely by now, and it's pretty clear to Haruka that he's rapidly running out of steam. "Let me be very clear on this, OK? I'm not here to guilt you into anything. If you don't want what I'm offering, then I'm  —"

"What _are_ you offering?"

Rin freezes in his tracks, clearly taken aback by the unapologetically blunt nature of Haruka's question. The knowledge that Rin hadn't thought quite _that_ far ahead does a lot to soothe his frayed nerves, if Haruka's being entirely honest with himself. "Practically anything you want, Haru. It's pretty much your call."

Haruka's eyes flick towards the magazine on his desk. He doesn't need to ask what he'll be required to give in return for such a feat. He already knows how these kind of stories tend to end, after all. "Why aren't you having this conversation with Yamazaki instead?"

"There'd be no point," Rin quietly reveals, reaching out to lightly touch the back of Haruka's right hand with the tips of his fingers. It's a surprisingly effective peace offering, really. "There's only one thing Sousuke wants and it's way beyond my abilities. I might've been able to reverse some of the damage if he'd been honest with me from the start, but I can't preform _miracles_. Not without a contract. Besides, I've never felt much of a pull from him anyway. "

It's the offhanded mention of a pull that causes Haruka to say what he does next, even though he probably really _should_ be starting to worry about his lack of self-preservation right about now. "Could you keep that from happening to me?"

"It'd be a piece of cake," Rin admits, absent-mindedly drawing lopsided circles on the back of Haruka's hand with the pad of his index finger. The feather-soft touch feels incredibly intimate. Haruka's never felt _anything_ remotely like it before. "I'd try to do that for you either way, though. There's just no guarantee it'd actually work unless I manage to come of age another way, y'know? And I might not be able to stick around long enough to keep an eye on you, in that case."

Haruka's already shifting his body closer to Rin's before he can even fully register the desire to do so. Not unlike like a moth drawn to a flame, to be honest. It feels like he's being hypnotised by the unnatural heat of Rin's body (and he probably wouldn't have been able to stop himself from moving nearer even if he'd actually _wanted_ to). His palms kind of feel like they're at risk of being burned by Rin's skin, even through the thick fabric of Rin's denims, but still he can't find the required strength to move them away.

It's that _pull_ again, Haruka realises belatedly, when he suddenly finds himself close enough to feel Rin's hot breath on his face. It's right there, seemingly effortlessly dragging him further and further into Rin's orbit (and the only question now is whether they'll actually end up colliding).

"I want that guarantee," He decides then, somehow managing to sound a whole lot calmer than he's currently feeling, and just as impulsively presses his chest up against Rin's shins in a satisfyingly fruitful bid to remove as much of the remaining space between them as Rin will let him get away with. "If it means getting to swim more — and having you there with me, Rin — then I'll take what you're offering."

Clearly startled by Haruka's unprecedented daring, Rin inhales sharply in response. The first two syllables of Haruka's name are all he replies with, then, without any inflection at all. The ambiguous reaction freezes Haruka in place for an unbearably long moment, until the very tip of Rin's nose suddenly nudges his own in what can't possibly be the mere result of their proximity alone (because Haruka is absolutely certain he hasn't moved a muscle since he last spoke).

It takes Haruka an unholy amount of effort to wrestle down the needy little noise threatening to escape his throat at the tentative contact, just then. He can't remember ever wanting Rin this much before. It's _terrifying_ , but it's also strangely exhilarating at the same time. His chest feels uncomfortably tight, like it's suddenly no longer big enough for his lungs, and his ears are positively ringing. It's making him want to laugh and cry at the same time. He wants Rin _that_ badly.

It's all _wrong_ , though.

He knows it is.

And that — simply by having been the one to initiate this new _thing_ between them — he's unintentionally handed Rin his biggest weakness on a silver platter (all the while holding an invisible knife to Rin's throat, in spite of his very best intentions). There's no way for him to be certain of Rin's reciprocation, at the very least, or for Rin to know that rejecting Haruka right now won't result in a far deadlier rejection of his own.

Haruka knows that. He _does_.

He really, really, _really_ does, but he still can't find the strength to move away.

Because Rin's saying his name again (in a way Haruka has never heard him do so before), and he seems to be teetering on the brink of doing it _another_ _time_ ——— when he suddenly cuts himself off in favour of closing the gap between their mouths.

Haruka makes a startled noise in surprise, then, because Rin's lips are even warmer than he'd expected them to be. They're so much softer, and unexpectedly pliant, too. He'd really like to move even _closer_ — or gently tug at one of Rin's lips with his own (or with his teeth, maybe?) — but the way Rin is still calmly caressing the back of his hand while he lets Haruka breathe into his mouths is rapidly becoming too much for his overtaxed nerves to handle.

What are they _thinking..._? Haruka isn't even sure he knows _how_ to properly kiss Rin back.

" _Rin_."

And just like that, the spell appears to be broken. Haruka finally manages to draw back _—_ just an inch or two, really _—_ but before he can even begin catch his breath, Rin's hands are already coming up to cradle the back of his neck _ _and reel him right back in.__

Haruka's ears are suddenly filled with a deafening roar, then, like something really has broken between them. He still doesn't know what to _do,_ but Rin doesn't seem to mind guiding him through it at all. It's not as easy to find a rhythm that works for both of them as he'd always assumed it would be, however, and it takes him a while to learn how to read Rin's silent cues in a way that doesn't result in a clash of their teeth.

Even so, the encouraging little noises Rin keeps making are definitely worth the trouble (and embarrassment).

Rin's legs gradually fall open, as well, creating even more space for Haruka to claim _._ Although it's impossible to tell if Haruka'd accidentally nudged them somehow, or if _Rin_ had been the one to want him nearer this time.

All he knows for sure is that his hands are abandoning Rin's spread knees in favour of exploring the addictive warmth they'd found in between Rin's thighs instead. He curiously digs his fingertips into the defined muscles there, until Rin is squirming and half-heartedly batting his hands away when they stray too close to his crotch for his liking. They somehow end up underneath the edge of Rin's sweatshirt instead, and immediately set about mapping out all of the places he's never been allowed to touch before. And then Rin is suddenly retaliating by doing the exact same to him (and unapologetically leaving goosebumps all over Haruka's skin in his wake).

Haruka's pretty sure he's never been _this_ turned on before. It's becoming increasingly hard for him to tell where his limbs end and Rin's begin, and he can't seem to keep his eyes open for longer than a second at a time. What had felt so wrong only a short while ago, suddenly feels so incredibly _right_ that it's making his head spin. To the point where he's actually starting to feel more than a little light-headed.

Rin ends up sliding down the wall, inch by inch, until he's flat on his back on the mattress with his legs hooked around Haruka's waist. Haruka follows him there to softly lick at the little 'V' at the centre of Rin's upper lip. Just to see if Rin will let him do it. He's immediately rewarded with a muffled groan, and isn't surprised at all when Rin's mouth opens just a little further in unmistakable permission. He wastes no time in experimentally slipping his tongue in between Rin's lips to explore the welcoming heat inside Rin's mouth, then, and dazedly asks himself why he's never tried to do this with (or _to_ ) Rin before.

Haruka has no idea just how long they end up trading messy, open mouthed kisses for, and when he eventually breaks away to catch his breath, Rin doesn't appear to be very pleased about having to let him go at all. Haruka obligingly stays as close as possible, keeping himself propped up by his elbows, and slowly blinks down at Rin's flushed face. Rin's pupils, Haruka discovers then, are blown so wide that the colour of his irises is barely visibly around them. He looks about as debauched as Haruka _feels_ , and suddenly Haruka finds himself no longer quite as worried about reciprocation as he had been before.

It's Rin who ends up voicing what they're both thinking: "This is only going to complicate everything, isn't it...?" 

Haruka wearily lowers his head down on Rin's (still) rapidly expanding and contracting chest _—_ right in the middle of Rin's sternum _—_ and allows his eyes to fall shut for a while. "Yeah," He reluctantly agrees, fighting to keep the frustration from bleeding through into his voice. "It probably is."

"Your timing's really kind of shitty, you know?" Rin begins, unexpectedly gently, as he scrapes his blunt fingernails through the hair at the nape of Haruka's neck. It feels a little bit like an apology, but Haruka isn't sure what he'd done to deserve one right now. "What on earth possessed you to make a move on the demon you'd _just_ promised your soul to, you crazy idiot? You made me think I'd unconsciously _—_ "

"You're not an _incubus_ ," Haruka mutters underneath his breath (effectively cutting Rin's diatribe off), and cranes his neck to allow Rin better access. He really likes this soft, affectionate side of Rin, although a part of him is still a little terrified that it'll disappear as quickly as it had appeared. It won't be long until they have to start figuring things out, he knows, and he can only hope it won't spell the end of this fragile thing that seems to be happening between them right now. "You can't brainwash me with a couple of kisses, Rin."

"I wouldn't be so certain of that," Rin quietly admonishes, far more benignly than the situation probably warrants, before pressing a quick little kiss down on the crown of Haruka's head and letting himself drop back down to the mattress with a weary sigh. It's yet another apology Haruka hadn't asked for, nor feel like he truly deserves. "You understand there's going to be an expiry date to all of this, don't you? You should really be putting up more of a fight, Haru. How do you think Makoto's going to feel when he's writing your name on a lantern for Obon? What about your _parents..._?"

Haruka's heart clenches at the thought of causing Makoto such pain — no matter how involuntary — but he still finds himself nodding in acceptance. There is no guarantee that kind of thing won't happen on its own, anyway. Not without a demon conveniently pulling the strings in return for a meal. Haruka isn't stupid; he's fully aware of his own mortality. It could even happen _tomorrow_ , for all they know. Why is Rin being so deliberately obtuse about this?

"I know that," He confirms earnestly, when the need to vocalise his thoughts eventually becomes too strong to ignore, pressing his nose more firmly into the collar of Rin's sweatshirt. "I _know_ all of that, Rin."

"Are you sure about that?" Rin protests, voice dangerously close to breaking. His fingers in Haruka's hair tighten their grip. Almost painfully so. "It's your _soul_ we're talking about here, you know. It's not exactly a trifle, is it? You only ever get _one_. You might as well say goodbye to the idea of reincarnation, too."

"What do you want me to do, then?" Haruka asks tiredly, grudgingly pushing himself back up in order to brace himself on his elbows on either side of Rin's arms. The movement causes Rin's hand to slip free of his hair (and the back of his neck suddenly feels very exposed, as a result). "Attend _your_ funeral instead? Does your mother know you were planning on coming here tonight? I'd never be able to look her and Gou in the eye again, if I  _—_ "

"You're a regular hero, aren't you?!" Rin cuts in with a hiss, nostrils flaring in an unspoken warning as he glowers up at Haruka. It's obvious Haruka's words have hit a nerve, and the knowledge that he's _finally_ starting to get through to Rin comes with a horribly twisted sort of satisfaction. "Listen, Haru. Don't you fucking kid yourself into thinking you're my only option. There's plenty of other fish in the sea."

" _Liar_."

It's the wrong thing to say.

Haruka regrets it almost instantly. He desperately wants to take the thoughtless word back the second it leaves his lips, but the damage is already done: Rin is pushing him away with a hoarse, dry sob before Haruka has a chance to say anything else. Caught completely off guard by the sudden burst of movement, Haruka allows himself be shoved backwards into an awkward sprawl against the low headboard behind him.

Rin immediately scrambles off of the bed and rounds on him with furiously glowing eyes. "If you know _that_ , then why're you letting me do this to you...?!" He demands, unexpectedly viciously, fists clenched tightly at his side as he visibly struggles to regain control over the situation. He's drawn himself up to his full height in an unmistakable attempt to intimidate Haruka into backing down, but the effect is rather ruined by the tell-tale quiver of his chin. "Why do you _always_ let me do awful things to you, Haru?!"

Refusing to be cowed by such a pathetic display, Haruka wordlessly pushes himself up from the bed and loosely wraps his fingers around Rin's nearest wrist. Rin inhales sharply at the touch _—_ clearly surprised by Haruka's persistence, as he is _—_ but doesn't protest, nor does he pull his arm away when Haruka tightens his grip and determinedly tugs him closer.

"Please say something," Rin croaks, blearily blinking down at Haruka's fingers through the tears gathering at the corner of his eyes. It isn't long before they begin to escape and roll down his flushed cheeks. "I can't tell what you're thinking at all."

"I trust you," Haruka obliges, gently — _lovingly_ , if he's being entirely honest with himself — rubbing vague patterns into the underside of Rin's wrist with his thumb. The unspoken _'I'm thinking that I'm stupidly in love with you...'_ hangs heavily in the air between them. He's fairly sure Rin can read the truth of it on his face, either way. "You'll make me a fair deal. I want you to make me a deal, Rin."

" _Why_...?!"

Haruka knows _everything_ is hinging on his reply to that question, so he mulls it over very carefully before finally giving voice to it. "The magazine on my desk has a spread on an infinity pool in Singapore," He begins, warily testing the water, before continuing on more confidently: "I want to swim in places like that. Rio, too. That's three years from now. You can give me that much, right? I don't want to risk ending up like Yamazaki before I make it there. I'd rather die, Rin."

It might as well be the truth, after all.

It's close enough.

Rin would never accept any other answer, so Haruka will just have to _make_ it so. For Rin's sake (and for his own).

Rin is quiet for a long time. Haruka's fine with that, focusing instead on the soft skin underneath his thumb and the hum of the old lighting fixture above their heads. When Rin finally speaks up, his words bubble up in a wet chuckle.

"I think I can double that for you, Haru."


	2. Flashlight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'd marked this as "Complete" earlier---but I decided to add a 2nd chapter to this after all. Oops. (Technically, it _was_ complete before. It's just complete-er now.)

**"If you dare nothing, then when the day is over, nothing is all you will have gained."**  
**―[Neil Gaiman](http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1221698.Neil_Gaiman), _[The Graveyard Book](http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/2219449) _**

 

"Six years?" Haruka establishes uncertainly, doing a rather poor job of keeping the surprise currently lifting his brows from bleeding all the way through to his voice. It's a lot more than he'd been expecting to get. "I'll be twenty-five, then."

"Give or take a couple of weeks," Rin confirms. He sounds — as well as looks — completely drained now that the fight is starting to slowly recede from his posture: his skin is a good shade paler than usual, his jaw is clenched in something akin to pain, and there are bruises forming under his eyes. Haruka almost finds himself wishing Rin _had_ taken an unfortunate stranger's soul before showing up here. "I'm afraid that's the best I can do..." He lets his words trail off, there, looking down at his toes with an agitated glower. "You deserve so much _more_ , though. I'm sorry, Haru _—_ "

" _Rin._ " Haruka hurriedly cuts in, unwilling to hear (and subsequently be required to deal with) the rest of Rin's apology just yet, and gives Rin's wrist a meaningful little squeeze. They'd been over this already, hadn't they? Nothing Rin does, or _says,_ is going to be able to change his mind any more. There are more pressing matters to focus on right now, anyway. "Never mind that. How much time do _you_ have left?"

Rin visibly wavers on his feet upon hearing Haruka's pointed question. And when he jerkily tugs his arm free from Haruka's grip and beats a hasty retreat across the room, Haruka lets him go without protest. It's pretty clear that Rin doesn't appreciate being reminded of the deadline hanging over his head, but Haruka trusts he'll answer once he feels ready to.

_You can't run away from it forever, Rin.  
_

Seating himself at his desk, Haruka quietly watches Rin crouch down in front of the wooden set of drawers in the corner of the room. Rin busies himself there by rooting through the bottom one for a pair of suitable looking, long-sleeved shirts until he can't possibly stall any longer.

Haruka lets him do that, too.

"I don't know," Rin eventually breaks the silence, in a deceptively casual tone of voice, right as he aims half of the spoils from his impromptu wardrobe raid right at Haruka's face. "Probably about twelve hours, or so...? I'm pretty sure I was born around noon, anyway."

Haruka catches the t-shirt in mid-air, half-heartedly folds it back up, and then places it down next to tray holding the lukewarm pot of tea. He'd really rather _not_ be wearing his favourite Loosey-kun print while signing over the deed to his soul. It'd just feel _wrong_ somehow. He'll change into it in the morning, instead. "Should I go get candles? I've got some small ones for your cake."

"Candles...?" Rin echoes from underneath the folds of the sweatshirt he's gracelessly prising off over his head. _Looking at him like this_ , Haruka thinks distantly, _it's hard to believe Rin is anything other than wholly human_. "What the heck would we need candles for?"

"How am _I_ supposed to know?" He retorts, indignation colouring his voice — and his cheeks, as well — a muted red. It isn't like he's got much of a frame of reference to work with here. Any materials or discussion involving demonic rituals and/or exorcisms had promptly been banned in the aftermath of Nagisa's discovery of a subtitled version of _The Omen_ on one of his sisters' desks last winter. It probably had been in everyone's best interest, though: Makoto hadn't been able to get a wink of sleep that night, and Rin's defeated _'I'm never going to be able to tell him, am I?'_ had plagued Haruka's thoughts for weeks. "You still haven't told me anything about this contract stuff."

For a second, Rin looks like he wants to hurl an insult across the room in much the same way he'd tossed Haruka's t-shirt. Haruka shoots him a challenging glare, as if to say _'Go on, then. Let's hear it!'_ , and is genuinely disappointed when Rin changes his mind and reins himself in at the very last second. "In case you hadn't noticed: I'm already here. There's no need to _summon_ me. I'm not that kind of demon, you jerk."

"Then what kind are you?" Haruka finds himself asking, despite his better judgement. It's not like he really _wants_ to know; but he's going to have to get used to discussing these kind of things with Rin at some point, isn't he? He might as well get started now. All he really knows is that Rin needs to hunt once or twice per season, that he tends to seek out what he'd dubbed as 'tainted souls' to ensure they won't be missed by anyone — despite the fact that they're apparently significantly less _filling —_ and that he's somehow perfectly capable of making it all look like an accident (or a natural death) once he's finished with them.

The fact that Rin is what probably counts as the equivalent of a vegetarian amongst his demonic kin, and very clearly takes no pleasure whatsoever in killing his victims, certainly helps Haruka sleep a whole lot better at night. As long as the thought of Rin's far less conscientious relatives doesn't keep him awake, that is.

Rin probably has the right idea, though. If Haruka is already left uneasy by the knowledge that there really _is_ something out there — something that humans should be wary, if not downright afraid, of — well, then, Makoto really would be much better off never finding out about it.

"The kind that leaves a brand on your skin to mark its property," Rin tells him frankly, a grim — but undoubtedly necessary — warning, while he unselfconsciously pulls on the t-shirt he'd selected for himself earlier. It's a little tight across the chest and at the shoulders, Haruka can tell all the way from the bed, but he doesn't voice any complaints. For once. "I don't know what mine'll look like. But apparently it works like a tracking device, yeah...? The more visible it is, the stronger its effect is supposed to be."

 _Fair enough._ Haruka's pretty sure he can live with that. At least it sounds like he'll never have to worry about any _other_ demons showing up uninvited at his doorstep to turn his entire world upside down. "Can you control where it's placed?"

Rin shoots him an assessing gaze, eyebrows tightly drawn together, before making his way over. He wordlessly nudges Haruka's legs apart, places a hot palm down on the inside of Haruka's right knee, and unceremoniously slides his hand up along Haruka's inner thigh (all the way up until his finger tips are digging into the place where Haruka's leg meets his groin). "Here," He announces without a trace of hesitation or uncertainty in his voice. "You hardly ever take your jammers off anyway, right? No one will even know it's there."

"Right," Haruka finds himself agreeing, although he's a little preoccupied with the struggle to keep still under Rin's unexpectedly intimate touch. His next words come out a little more accusatory — and a good deal hoarser, too — than he'd intended it to. "You've thought about this before."

The observation earns him a stony, unsmiling nod. "It's not what you're thinking, though," Rin chides, albeit uncharacteristically gently, as he gives Haruka's thigh a parting squeeze and pulls his hand away. Haruka watches him move towards the bed in a daze. The place where Rin had touched him suddenly feels a lot colder. "I didn't, all right? Not even when you were practically glowing like an all-you-can-eat buffet last summer. It really isn't like that."

Haruka's already intolerably muddled thoughts grind to a complete halt at those words. He'd been ——— "What?!"

"It's not like you could _help_ it, or anything. It just kind of happens, y'know?" Rin absently attempts to reassure him, pulling the corner of the heavy comforter up and unabashedly crawling underneath it. He reaches an arm out to flick the switch of the alarm on Haruka's clock and proceeds to make himself comfortable on his side, with his back purposely pressed up against the wall. "Turn off that damn light and get in here, will you?"

Haruka's face probably says it all. Because Rin quickly throws him an amused glance, pointedly gives the unoccupied half of the sole pillow on the bed a couple of insistent pats, and explains himself without needing to be verbally prompted. "It got pretty bad at Regionals. We weren't even on the same floor, but I could _still_ sense you all the way in my room. I didn't have the faintest clue what to do about it," He hesitates for a second there, before continuing in a more subdued tone. "I was seriously getting worried something'd snatch you up if I didn't keep a close eye enough on you. I don't even know how I managed to focus on my races that day. You were all but giving off a fucking beacon right next to the pool! Why'd you think I came at you as hard as I did back then?"

"I thought you were angry—"

"I'm perfectly capable of multitasking," Rin interrupts dryly. " _And_ controlling myself. Just get in here, Haru. I'm not going to suck your soul out in my sleep, if that's what you're so worried about."

"I'm _not_ worried," Haruka protests on auto-pilot, then belatedly realises he's managed to shoot himself in the foot rather effectively. Scowling, he reaches for the light switch and gives it a much harder tug than necessary. It's pretty difficult to stay annoyed once he actually gets underneath the covers, though. Rin's unnatural body heat has already turned the bed into a pleasantly toasty refuge from the chilly air inside his bedroom.

Rin chuckles dryly in response, hot breath tickling the back of Haruka's neck, and slings a bold arm over Haruka's side. "I know you're not," He admits, voice low and rough — and far more gravely than Haruka's entirely comfortable with — before apologetically pressing his lips to the little knob at the top of Haruka's spine. "Is this OK?"

Haruka isn't sure how to answer that, so he settles for diffusing the rising _something_ between them the only way he knows how: "That isn't why you kicked up such a fuss about sharing a bed in Sydney, then?"

"Not exactly," Rin confides surprisingly easily. The dry, smooth surface of his warm lips catches lightly on Haruka's skin as he speaks. "That was all your natural charm, y'know? By then you'd kind of already gone from _a freaking lighthouse_ to one of those pocket flash-light things. It wasn't that hard to ignore."

"What about now?" Haruka pushes himself to ask, once he's fairly confident he has given himself enough time to fully digest the extent of Rin's masked confession. It's not a surprise. Not really, at least. He'd been hoping for a while now that there really _was_ something more happening between them than mere rekindled friendship could explain (as wonderful, and fulfilling, as that friendship may be). Tentatively seeking out Rin's hand underneath the comforter to soften the blow a little, Haruka reluctantly gives voice the one thing he's been wondering about ever since Rin told him to get the lights. "You're really hungry, aren't you? You don't have to hide it from me anymore, Rin."

"I'll be _fine_ ," Rin replies, tone clipped and defensive. It's obvious that he doesn't appreciate being fussed over very much at all. "I want you to have a chance to sleep on it, all right? Humour me here." Then, a beat later, he quietly adds: "I won't blame you if you end up changing your mind, Haru. No hard feelings, OK?"

"I'm not going to change my mind," Haruka insists with a frustrated huff, rolling over to face Rin (even though the thick curtain above the bed barely lets enough light filter through for him to completely make out Rin's features in the dark). Having been deprived of Haruka's fleeting touch, Rin splays his hand over the small of Haruka's back instead. The gesture is soft and gentle, but its heat can clearly be felt through the fabric of Haruka's t-shirt. It's more than a little distracting, but it seems to have a calming effect on his accelerated heartbeat either way. "Would you even have enough time left to find someone else, if I did?"

"I might. I'm just not sure I'd _want_ to try, 's all," Rin reluctantly admits. His eyes are suspiciously shiny in the dark. Haruka shifts closer, brings up a tentative palm in between their bodies, and places it over Rin's heart. Just to return the favour, he tells himself, although he isn't quite sure who he thinks he's trying to fool any more. "I'd still do it for Gou's sake, though. I didn't mention it before — because it would've only heaped even more pressure on you — but if I die, there's a good chance she'll inherit all of this shit from me. I told you that's how I ended up like _this_ , right? I don't want my baby sister to go through that."

"She won't have to," Haruka vows, leaning in to press his lips to the tip of Rin's nose — in what he hopes will double for a comforting gesture — to seal the deal. He's heard fractured parts of this story before, mainly during a sleepover much like the one they're having right now, back when he'd first found out his friend's sharp teeth aren't an entirely human feature. Rin had still been _so young_ when his father passed away (and left such a cruel and unwanted endowment behind in his place). It's only natural that he'd want to prevent anything like that from happening to his sister, even at his own expense. "It's going to work, Rin. You'll see. Gou will be fine. _I promise_."

When he draws back and lowers his head on his side of the pillow they're sharing, Rin still looks unconvinced. But it's not like Haruka had expected anything else, really.

"Let's just try to get some sleep," Rin sighs, effectively cutting off the rest of their conversation. His hand on Haruka's back curls into a fist, tightly clenching a fistful of the fabric that separates their skin, but he makes no attempt to pull Haruka any closer. "We can get up together when I leave for my morning jog, OK? It'll give you some space to think things over before — _you know_."

That doesn't sound like a bad idea, to be honest. He _is_ going to need some time to process everything that happened between them tonight: from the increasingly intimate way they've been touching each other over the course of the evening, right down to the fact he has basically agreed to die at Rin's hands in roughly six years' time.

It'll happen in the winter of 2019, then. _In February,_ Haruka suspects, _because February always brings trouble with it._

The sudden, involuntary realisation that he'll be missing the 2020 Summer Olympics in Tokyo by a hair's breadth stings more than he'd like to admit. His dream of standing on the podium _—_ next to Rin, of all people _—_ while the cheers of their countrymen drown out the controversial strings of _Kimi Ga Yo_ will likely never become reality now.

He won't even get to be part of _the audience_.

Something hot and heavy lodges itself into the back of his throat at the thought, then. For a second, the urge to dig his nails into the vulnerable skin of Rin's chest nearly overwhelms him. He wants to lash out in righteous anger, and seek out some of the twisted comfort he craves in the sight of Rin's eyes widening in shock (and apprehension) as Haruka snarls and rages at him until his voice is raw.

He desperately wants to _fight_ for more time, he really does, but one look at Rin in the dim light sneaking in through the gaps underneath the curtain _—_ at the unmistakable guilt dulling those normally expressive eyes, and the defeat in the set of his jaw _—_ is enough to assuage his rising temper. It would be selfish to ask for more. If Rin were capable of offering Haruka those extra eighteen months, he'd clearly have done so already.

Haruka's agitated heartbeat eventually slows down enough to match the faint rhythm he can make out underneath the palm of his hand. The steady _thu-thump... thu-thump... thu-thump..._ of Rin's heart goes a long way to soothe his resentment. It's the unmistakable proof of Rin's unwavering humanity, after all.

Sleep doesn't come easy, but when it does, the heat of Rin's skin under the pads of his fingertips follows him all the way into his dreams.


	3. Pitch Black

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said this part of my _Contractual_ series was as good as complete before — but I just couldn't stop myself from adding a 3rd chapter... and there's probably going to be a 4th one as some point, too. *sweat!*
> 
> Anyway, I've gone back & dusted off the first two chapters recently. Quite a bit of the dialogue has been changed, and I added a little more hints about Rin's past, so you might want to go back and skim the previous chapters. None of the big plot points have changed, though. So, if you've got a good memory... you're all set. ;)

_**"All your questions can be answered, if that is what you want. But once you learn your answers, you can never unlearn them."** _

**_―[Neil Gaiman](http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1221698.Neil_Gaiman), _[American Gods](http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1970226) _  
_ **

 

It's still pitch black outside.

A lamppost near Haruka's bedroom window seems to be offering the only light source worth noting, making its distant glow one of the first things a drowsy Haruka is able to register about his surroundings after being pulled out of his slumber by an insistent nudge (or _five_ ) to his shoulder. Another is this: even the sizeable colony of rowdy black-tailed gulls overwintering in Iwatobi's otherwise quiet little harbour town this year hasn't begun to greet the day yet.

Rolling over onto his back, Haruka forces one bleary eye open in a bid to discover why he's so urgently being roused before sunrise.

"What're you —" He starts to protest, voice low and a little hoarse with disuse, then immediately cuts himself off when a pair of brightly glowing orbs (hovering unnervingly close to the tip of his nose), suddenly takes shape through the sticky shelter of his eyelashes. _Magenta_ , he notes sluggishly, _Like the fresh blooms of the camellia bush near the Tachibana's garden shed, and that stumpy little pencil I've been using to sketch the rough outlines of Rin's **———** _ "R-Rin...?!"

"You aren't in the habit of sharing your bed with anyone _else_ , are you?"

Rin's unmistakable drawl pierces through the last remnants of the thick, cloying fog in Haruka's mind with ease. It sounds like it's coming from _extremely_ close by, too. Just as Haruka had reluctantly begun to suspect.

"Listen," The hushed voice urges, then, in favour of waiting for a response. "I feel pretty shitty about waking you up like this, but I couldn't just leave without giving you a heads-up. I'll be back in an hour or two, OK?"

The words themselves sound casual enough, but there's an all too familiar edge to them. Haruka recognises it instantly, even though he's only been on the receiving end of it a handful of times so far. He hadn't known what to make of it at first. Not until he'd been given a vital clue during the stilted conversation he'd had with Rin just before the 5th heat of the 100M freestyle at Regionals, that is. By now, he's fairly sure he knows what it means: there's a chink in Rin's armour (and he's prepared to do just about anything to keep Haruka from finding it).

It's fortunate, then, that Haruka is still having trouble simply _looking_ at Rin. It takes him another two tries to passably bring Rin's face **_—_** hovering a hair's breadth above his own **_—_** into focus, despite the fact that he's almost feeling inexplicably compelled to do so by now. As expected, he's nowhere near prepared for the sight that greets him when he inevitably succeeds. Rin's heavy-lidded eyes are radiating such a fierce glow that it actually stings to look into them in the relative darkness of Haruka's bedroom; and the despondent expression on his face isn't very easy to look at directly, either.

"What time is it?" Haruka finally manages to croak, then, because it's much safer for him to concentrate on what he's being _told_ rather than what he's _seeing_.

Rin doesn't seem to much care for Haruka's unintentional delaying-of-the-inevitable. "Didn't anyone ever teach you it's not polite to stare?" He admonishes tiredly, instead, as if Haruka can actually _help_ it. The elbow he'd been keeping himself propped up with suddenly dips a good inch or two deeper into the foam of the mattress (close enough to Haruka for the tell-tale shifting of the bed to be a distinct _warning_ ), as he purposefully begins to extract himself from the covers. "Just go back to sleep, all right? I'll take care of it."

_No._

Haruka hastily — and almost instinctively, really — flings a hand out from underneath the sheets to sabotage Rin's escape. It lands, with somewhat unexpected accuracy, just above the hard little nob at the base of Rin's neck. "Take care of it?" He repeats, just as impulsively, in an effort to make the most of the opening an utterly speechless Rin so kindly dropped into his lap. He's wide awake now. He has to find a way to make Rin _stay_. "What about the contract? I thought that was supposed to 'take care of it'."

An uneasy silence greets his questions.

Unwilling to let Rin shut him out so easily, Haruka determinedly settles back down to wait it out, pointedly occupying himself by drawing random shapes into the clammy (and unnaturally warm) skin of Rin's nape with the pad of his thumb. He's _allowed_ to do that kind of thing now, isn't he? It's going to take him a while to get used to it, to be honest.

In spite of his evident reluctance to stay put, though, Rin doesn't even make a single attempt to shrug Haruka's hand off. It's _nice_. "You _do_ know that isn't what I woke you up for, right?" He eventually counters, sounding equal parts exasperated and baffled. "You've barely had time to think this whole thing through, Haru. We'll work it out when I get back."

"What am I supposed to think through _,_ exactly?" Haruka hears himself ask, then, in a surprisingly heated tone of voice. He's nowhere near awake enough yet to properly argue about something as serious as this with Rin _,_ but his next words practically hurtle themselves across his tongue (to spill out from between his bared teeth) all of their own account: "Do you really think I'd suddenly back out on you now? After selfishly keeping you here _all night_ , too. How cruel do you think I'm capable of being, Rin?"

Rin flinches away so unexpectedly — and so violently — in response that Haruka has no choice but to let him go. His arm hits the mattress with a dull, undeniably final-sounding _thud_.

For a split-second, Haruka is absolutely convinced he's going have to run after Rin in nothing but his sleepwear (because he'll be damned if he's ever going to let Rin walk away from him again, even if doing so would actually result in the exact opposite). Those brightly glowing eyes are broadcasting Rin's intentions pretty clearly, after all. If Haruka lets him leave now, they'll both have blood on heir hands.

Haruka has the power to prevent that from happening.

He _knows_ it.

Rin, for his part, seems to be slowly coming to terms with it as well. He wisely retreats just far enough to seat himself at the wooden chair by Haruka's desk; the wrong way around, with his stomach pressed to its back like it'll act as a barrier between him and Haruka's resolve. By the time he's successfully located the plastic little bead at the end of the light switch (where it'd accidentally been swung on top of the bookshelf when Haruka'd turned the lights off the day before) and has given it an unnecessarily sharp tug, Haruka can almost taste the impeding victory on his tongue.

"I didn't mean it that way," Rin hesitantly offers, at last, completely unaffected by the sudden — painfully bright, to a mere human like Haruka — light emanating from the desk. "I just want us _both_ to have a clear head when we go into this, that's all. It's better to play it safe, y'know? I can't guarantee I've got enough self-control left to pull this off. I haven't got a fucking clue what to expect."

Haruka is suddenly not feeling as triumphant anymore. The unusual clamminess of Rin's skin had already revealed some of his secrets, of course, but Haruka can finally _see_ how badly his friend must be suffering now: Rin's face is so much paler than usual, his whole body appears to be covered in a thin sheen of sweat (if the way his borrowed shirt is clinging to him is anything to go on), and his eyes are red-rimmed and very wild.

The sight of Rin, slowly but surely being pushed to the edge of his humanity, should probably terrify Haruka. But he's _done_ with that, now, isn't he? He can't let himself be cowed by this part of Rin any longer, or _any_ of the dizzyingly high number of things he's never allowed himself to consider before.

 _There's no way around it, is there?_ Haruka regretfully realises, then. _I know where the chink is now._

One more blow is all it'll take.

He has to do this. There's no other way.

"How many would it make, then?" He asks Rin quietly, laying down the proverbial gauntlet as gently — but unflinchingly — as he can manage. Even so, the cruel words burn like acid on his tongue. It makes him feel ill. It's absolutely _awful,_ having to say something so vile and cold-hearted to an already agitated Rin. But he has to see this through, no matter what. "Just this week, Rin. How many times did you —" He has to swallow, there, in order to get the rest out. It would've been better if Rin had cut him off by now. "— 'take care of it'?"

The result is possibly even _worse._ Rin's cautiously open expression snaps shut, morphing into something raw and unmistakably hopeless, as soon as he begins to understand what Haruka is asking of him.

Despite himself, Haruka'd been bracing himself for an impact of some kind. Even so, Rin doesn't retaliate at all. He merely averts his gaze, opting to blankly stare down at the clenched fists in his lap instead.

"This'd make the fourth," He despondently informs Haruka, then, in an admirably even tone of voice. "And it'd better not be _you_ , Haru. You're playing a very dangerous game here."

Haruka barely manages to swallow down the bile threatening to work itself up his throat. He knows Rin doesn't select any of his victims lightly, and that they must've done plenty of despicable things to end up on the hungry half-demon's menu, but Haruka is still struggling to think of it as anything other than — involuntary — manslaughter.

"Could any of those have been avoided if you'd come to me earlier?"

"You already know the answer to that, don't you?" Rin rebukes impassively, seemingly unwilling to return any of Haruka's fire directly (as well as Haruka's narrow-eyed stare, for that matter). "I'd probably have gotten around to them eventually, though..."

Haruka's starting to get more than a little fed up with Rin's evasive manoeuvring by now. "What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

Rin exhales loudly. It's a shaky, impossibly drawn-out kind of thing. Like he's half-forgotten how his human body is supposed to work. "A half-assed contract might not to be enough to tide me over forever," He finally looks up at Haruka, then, to level him with an unsettlingly heavy gaze. "Especially if you're asking me to go in without any reserves at all. I don't _like_ it. But that's probably the way it's going to be, all right? There's no way to tell how far my mixed blood will get me."

_This is it._

Haruka knows an ultimatum when he hears one. "It's worth a shot," He says, as unflinchingly as he can possibly manage, and resolutely ignores the liquid dread steadily pooling in the pit of his stomach. Then, for good measure, he adds: "You should know by now that I trust you, Rin."

There's another long pause, during which a muscle in Rin's left legs twitches vehemently enough to startle both of them. Haruka reluctantly uses the interim to push himself up into a proper cross-legged position on the bed, in a way he really hopes won't end up triggering Rin into retreating even further.

"I'm not going to be able to change your mind about this, am I...?" Rin acknowledges, then, to Haruka's nearly overwhelming relief. It almost sounds as if he'd just needed to hear himself speak the words out loud in order for their indisputable reality to fully sink in. "I hope you don't regret this later, Haru."

Haruka shrugs. _I'll try not to, Rin._ "It's better than the alternative."

Rin finally yields, with a barely perceptible nod of his head (and another uneven exhale). "I'll wait for you downstairs," He abruptly decides, then, and noisily sets about extracting himself from his ridiculous sprawl over the chair. "Don't take _too_ long, OK?"


	4. Negotiation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nobody is more surprised than _I_ am that this is being updated to quickly. *laughs!*
> 
> I blame all the lovely comments I've been getting on the last chapter. :D

**_"Don't start anything you're not prepared to finish."_ **

**―[Neil Gaiman](http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1221698.Neil_Gaiman), _[American Gods](http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/1970226) _**

 

As promised, Haruka finds Rin waiting for him in the sitting room; along with two glasses of faintly steaming apple juice (filled all the way to the brim), an odd looking bowl of mandarins (that, Haruka is pretty certain, had _not_ come from his kitchen), and a very familiar looking magazine that must've been pilfered from Haruka's desk at some point (without its owner having noticed at all).

Rin looks oddly at home at the kotatsu in the centre of the room. His folded legs are tucked securely underneath its navy-coloured quilt in a near-perfect seiza position on top of one of the pillows, and he's absent-mindedly resting his chin on his left hand while he rubs the corner of a page in between the thumb and index finger of his right. His red-rimmed eyes, Haruka realises as he approaches the table, are keenly scanning the article they'd briefly talked about the night before. And he appears to be completely engrossed in the task, because he shows no reaction at all when Haruka apprehensively takes a seat next to him.

Neither does he look inclined to bring up the festive decorations Haruka'd nearly finished putting up all across the room.

So, Haruka decides to do it for him: "Happy birthday, Rin."

Rin _does_ look up at that.

"It could be worse," He grudgingly allows, then, after a long pause. Seemingly undeterred by the harsh glare of the ceiling light overheard, his eyes persistently give off an eerily bright glow (and, Haruka belatedly notices, his pupils now have a decidedly _feline_ shape to them). The intimidating effect is a little diminished by the wry smile currently tugging the corners of his lips upwards, though. "Aren't I getting a little too old for garlands and party hats, though?"

"You'd better not let Nagisa hear you say that," Haruka warns him. Just a touch more seriously than the situation technically warrants, probably. "It's bad enough that you've gone and crashed your own party. None of this stuff is _mine_."

Thankfully, Rin has the decency to look properly contrite about his unfortunate choice of _conference room_.

"I wasn't planning on staying the whole morning," He informs Haruka, in a deceptively casual tone of voice (considering the veritable minefield of issues he's manoeuvring their conversation back into). He then purposefully slides one of the piping hot glasses in front of him a little nearer to Haruka, like some kind of makeshift peace-offering. "Nagisa doesn't need to know I've already been here, does he? He won't be hearing it from _me_ , anyway."

Haruka takes a cautious sip of the proffered juice, letting its comforting heat sit on his tongue for a moment before regretfully swallowing it down, in favour of acknowledging the hidden truth in Rin's words. It's being left up to him, then, to decide what they're going to tell Nagisa (about everything).

"Does your mother know you're here?"

It's a loaded question — one that Rin had already avoided answering once before, to boot — but if they're really going to go through with this whole thing, then Haruka thinks he deserves to know as much of the truth as possible. The two of them are going to need to learn how to talk about these things at some point, aren't they?

To his credit, Rin seems to sympathise: "I thought it'd be better for her not to," He reveals, surprisingly readily. "This way there isn't anyone for her to blame if things go pear-shaped, you know? She might suspect, though. It's a toss-up between Sousuke and you, isn't it? I never told her about Nagisa."

Haruka nods, in what he hopes is a fairly neutral manner. He really doesn't want to think about what would've happened if Rin hadn't shown up on his doorstep last night (or about how Rin's mother must be feeling right now). "What about now?" He pushes himself to ask, in a bid to distract himself, and politely pretends not to notice the way Rin is fruitlessly wrapping his hands around his own glass in an attempt to calm their obvious tremors. "You're not going to tell her about this, are you? I don't think I want _anyone_ to know."

Rin's entire body suddenly goes very stiff next to him. "That's up to you, too," He replies, without any recognisable intonation at all. "You're the one who's going to be calling most of the shots here, OK? I'm just the demon. I'm not supposed to get a whole lot of say in this thing."

Haruka takes a deep breath. "Is _that_ what we're doing now...?"

Rin rewards him for his trouble with an uncomfortably heavy gaze. "Remember what I said about Regionals last night?" He asks Haruka, very pointedly, in between a couple of fortifying inhales of his own. "You don't need me to spell it out for you again, do you? You'll want to choose your words carefully from here on out, Haru."

_You're never going to let me live that down, are you?_

Haruka vividly remembers everything he'd been told about it, in fact. Including the way he'd apparently been lighting up like a billboard sign (for demons), and the effect he'd unknowingly had on Rin while he was at it. It'd be pretty hard for him to forget about something like that.

Even so, Rin had clearly failed to warn him about _this_.

"There's very little I couldn't ask of you right now, is there?" Haruka concludes, as gently as he can. It's always been strangely easy for him to stay level-headed in situations like this. As long as he's doing it to pick up Rin's slack, that is. Rin's prideful nature is nothing new him, after all. Nor is Rin's tendency to play his cards very close to his chest. "How cruel _do_ you think I'm capable of being, Rin?"

Rin's knuckles are very white around the glass he's clutching. "Can we save this conversation for _later_?" He half-hisses, half-begs. "I swear it's nothing personal, all right? Just consider it a side-effect of the fucking Flashlight App I've got going on in my eyes right now. That's what _I_ do."

It isn't easy for Haruka to stop himself from taking pity on Rin (or to keep himself from saying something absolutely damning like _'You're just going to have to trust me!'_ because that'd be the complete opposite of choosing his words carefully, wouldn't it?), but he makes himself manage it somehow, because he's pretty sure the next part is going to be even harder to do.

Determinedly hardening his resolve, Haruka braces himself for impact for the second time that morning. "Fine," He says, then, if only to help him build up a little bit of steam. "But I'm not budging on this: I can't _do_ this without knowing what's off-limits to —"

"— _Haru!_ "

It takes Haruka an unsettlingly long time to recognise the first two syllables of his own name, because Rin had made them sound so wretchedly inflected. "I'm sorry," He offers, even though he really isn't. "I'm not taking it back."

Rin makes a frustrated little noise in the back of his throat, before biting out a terse: "Don't you dare give me an easy out like that! I said you could have anything you wanted in return yesterday, and I fucking _meant_ it. You can't let me take advantage of you like that, you idiot."

"'Practically'."

"What?" Rin snaps, although there's very little heat behind it and his eyes have gone unmistakably glassy.

"You said 'practically'," Haruka points out, before impulsively draining the rest of his drink and reaching over to cup his pleasantly toasty hands over Rin's (and Rin's own untouched glass). "I told you I'm expecting a fair deal from you, Rin. That goes _both_ ways, doesn't it?"

Rin looks away. "Nothing in the world is worth as much as your soul, Haru. I would know that better than anyone else, don't you think? It's not like I've got one of my own anymore."

Haruka curiously follows his gaze, and isn't surprised when it lands on a picture at the bottom of the magazine's right page. It's an undeniably calming sight: an absolutely stunning sunset, reflected perfectly on the surface of the undisturbed water of Marina Bay Sand's infinity pool. It's surprisingly easy to imagine _them_ there, really, admiring the city's breathtaking skyline together as they listen to the rustle of the handful palm trees near the water's edge.

The tip of Rin's nose would be a little sunburned, wouldn't it? And Haruka would be able to slide his hand into Rin's underneath the convenient cover of the water, much like the way he'd done on the bed last night. He's pretty sure Rin would let him do it (and undoubtedly turn as red as his sunburnt nose), anyway.

"I need you to list your own terms first," Haruka insists, and tries very hard to keep himself from thinking about what _else_ Rin might let him do; in another fancy hotel room, so many miles from home and safe from any prying eyes. "I can't ask for anything until you do."

Rin is quiet for a very, very, _very_ long time.

Haruka knows he's already won this round, though. It's really just a matter of time before Rin realises it, too.

As expected, Rin yields. At virtually the same moment the clock on the wall behind his profile strikes 6 o'clock. "I'd like a little leeway, I guess?" He tentatively begins, eyeing Haruka searchingly from underneath a curtain of red hair. "I know that I basically owe you nothing short of complete honesty, but I'd probably come to resent you for it pretty fast if you didn't let me keep at least a couple of my secrets. Six years is a long time to go without _any_ little white lies between us at all..."

Haruka nods. It's an easy enough request to grant. Rin wouldn't be much of a demon, after all, if he couldn't occasionally bend the truth so far that it breaks under its own weight. "What else?"

"You should have someone to confide in about this entire thing," Rin continues, albeit very hedgingly. "That'd be fine with me. I'll deal with the consequences."

"But?" Haruka prompts, because there's got to be more to it than what he's being told so far. He isn't nearly as stupid as Rin so often seems to think he is.

Rin immediately glances away, but he notably keeps his hands where they are (as if he isn't willing to pull away from Haruka _entirely_ ). "Please don't make it Makoto, Haru."

_Makoto._

In hindsight, it really isn't all that unusual for Rin to request a favour in this vein at all. But Haruka had failed to see it coming, this time, and the consequent blow hits him hard enough to send him reeling. He had mistakenly thought he'd already made his peace with this, for Makoto's sake (if nothing else), but it turns out that the idea of having to lie to his best friend for the rest of his life isn't something he can get used to in a mere handful of hours.

Haruka doesn't even _want_ to burden Makoto with this. In fact, he can't even come up with a single scenario in which he'd willingly drop such a bomb on an unsuspecting Makoto. Why is it so difficult for him to give the option up altogether, then? It'd be so much better for Makoto, this way, too.

Haruka _knows_ this.

Rin, it seems, knows it just as well. As if he can tell Haruka's weakened resolve only needs a little extra nudging, Rin slowly raises his eyes to add: "I get it, all right? He's your best friend. I know that. This isn't something I'm doing lightly."

Reluctantly, Haruka nods his head a second time. At least Rin is looking at him again now. "Do I get to ask for anything specific in return? It'd... help a little, I think."

"Something of equal value," Rin assures him immediately, even though it isn't very likely he'd made the request for his own sake; and Haruka truly doesn't require a reward for granting it, either. Makoto's continued happiness is clearly enough of a consideration for _both_ of them. "You name the price, OK?"

Despite his lingering unease, Haruka doesn't have to think about his response for long: "I don't want you interfere with any aspect of my training _or_ my races," He says, then, in an unexpectedly even tone of voice. "I want to do it on my own volition."

It's Rin's turn to nod. "I'd never touch your scores," He acknowledges readily. And even though the _'Not even if you'd asked me to, you utter moron!'_ remains tactfully unspoken, Haruka hears it loud and clear. "I might need a bit of elbow room to prevent injuries, though. That's fine, right?"

Haruka shrugs. That's what he'd told Rin the night before, isn't it?

Clearly encouraged by Haruka's uncharacteristic cooperation, Rin continues a little more confidently: "Isn't there anything else you can think of, though? I already knew you wouldn't want me to tamper with any results, Haru. I _have_ met you, you know?"

It occurs to Haruka only then: "I don't know enough about this side of you," He decides, on a complete whim. "If we're really talking about something of _equal value_ , then I want to use it to remedy that. Is that OK?"

"You've never wanted to know before," Rin reminds him, in a deliberately neutral tone (that he somehow manages to pump a good deal of accusation into either way). "Why would you use your leverage on something you don't even _want_ , Haru? You could do a whole lot better than that. There's all this money, fame, and sexual favours you could —"

"I'm aware of that," Haruka says, before he can swallow it down again, and hopes Rin can tell he's trying to make up for the truth of that statement in his own way. "I'm trying to tell you that I want to change that about myself, Rin. I haven't gotten very far on my own."

Rin exhales loudly. It's a long, deliberately drawn-out, thing. "Subtlety isn't really your style, is it?" He points out crossly, then. "D'you really think I don't know what you're angling for here? You've at least got the exchange rate right, I suppose. Good job."

"If you can tell _that_ much," Haruka retorts, just as irritably, and shifts forward until he's right in Rin's face. "Then you'd know that 'an eye for an eye' isn't my style, either. I'm not doing this to punish you."

"You've got a strange way of showing it!" Rin hisses, deliberately baring a thin sliver of his teeth at Haruka in an oddly crude blend of defeat and undisguised frustration. The tips of his inhumanly sharp incisors catch the light in a way that probably shouldn't be making Haruka want to get even closer.

But they _do_ , and so Haruka does.

It's not a nice kiss, though. There's way too many teeth involved, and the tip of his nose presses awkwardly against some part of Rin's until a warm hand comes up to tilt his head sideways just a little. And then Rin is making a high-pitched noise in the back of his throat (way too soon), like Haruka's lips have hurt him somehow (even though he'd been encouragingly tugging Haruka down to the floor only a second ago), and it all ends in a confused jumble of limbs underneath the heavy quilt of the kotatsu.

" _Ha... ru_..."

There it is again. Those unusually inflected syllables, disguised as part of Haruka's given name. Haruka finds that it's perfectly possible to love and despise the sound of it all at the same time.

"I'm not asking to be your accomplice," Haruka tells the centre of Rin's left collarbone, in an embarrassingly hoarse whisper, because it's easier to get the words out that way. And when Rin doesn't immediately push him away, he props himself up on his elbows and begins to rub slow circles into the tense muscles of Rin's shoulders with his thumbs (in a rather self-indulgent effort to calm both of them down a little). He isn't used to being allowed to touch Rin like this yet. It's a little weird, still. "I'm not even asking for their names. Why should _I_ be the only one who gets someone to confide in, Rin? How's that fair?"

Rin half-heartedly bats at Haruka's hands, like he's trying to remove an invisible piece of lint (or shoo away a stubborn mosquito), but something about his demeanour shifts along with the gradually loosening muscles in his shoulders regardless.

"Weren't you supposed to be shit at this bargaining thing?" He mutters tiredly, after a long (and slightly uncomfortable) silence. " _Fine_. No details, though. I'll tell you everything else you want to know... but I'm never telling _how_ they died, OK? That'd be so incredibly fucked up, Haru."

Haruka supposes he can live with that. For his six remaining years, anyway. He's going to find out exactly how Rin handles his chosen meals soon enough, won't he?

"Do they feel it?" He hears himself ask, then, even though it's painfully clear that it's just a front for what he really wants to know. _Will I_ _be able to feel it, Rin? Is it going to be painful?_   "How long —"

"Have you got water in your fucking ears, Haru?! _No details_...!" Rin hastily cuts him off, breathing heavily in the otherwise near-deafening silence of the room. Haruka can feel his chest rapidly move up and down. "Don't you think it's way too soon for us to be having this conversation? Do you really want to have that kind of knowledge hanging over your head for the next six years? That's messed up!"

"I think that's up to _me_ , Rin."

Haruka's resolute reply effectively takes the wind out of Rin's sails.

"You won't feel a thing," He assures Haruka, then, in a very small voice. His fingers are suddenly threading themselves through the hair at the back of Haruka's neck in an oddly affectionate gesture (considering the topic of conversation). It's kind of _sweet_ , really. "I'll make sure of that. I can't make it _fast_ , but it won't be painful. Not for you, at least. You've got my word on that."   

Haruka swallows the instinctive _'thank you'_ -shaped crop in his throat. "All right," He says, instead, and is grateful when it comes out a lot steadier than he's feeling right now. "Is there anything else?"

An uneasy silence settles over both of them, then, until Rin eventually breaks it with an unexpectedly determined: "No date."

"What?" Haruka asks, pushing himself up in order to peer down at Rin's face. It looks a little wan, despite the fine sheen of sweat clinging to his skin (like he's running a fever), and Haruka can't seem to stop himself from touching it: tentatively cupping the side of Rin's jaw, at first, until he eventually grows bold enough to softly run the pad of his thumb along Rin's bottom lip and wipe some of the sweat off of his brow.

Rin doesn't bat his hands away, this time. "It's a risk," He starts, hesitantly, as his hands tighten nervously in Haruka's hair. "If you ask for a specific date, you'll have a definite guarantee that I won't try and claim my reward before then. No matter what happens, you know? I could be injured, or desperate — I'd be stopped _instantly_ by the contract."

Haruka's pretty sure he knows where this is going, now. "But you'd also be unable to give me _longer_?"

"Exactly," Rin quietly confirms. "Six years is already pretty ambitious, though. I've been told most contracts with young demons like me don't make it past the fourth, but I've never needed as much sustenance as _they_ do. Besides, my old man's probably the best benchmark there is. He managed to reach that sixth year, and then some. I might be able to break his record. I've done it before, right?"

Haruka leans down to press a fond kiss down on the tip of Rin's nose. He'd wanted to go for Rin's lips, instead, but isn't entirely sure the gesture would be appreciated right now. "You're asking me to take that risk?"

Rin nods, inadvertently rubbing his nose into Haruka's slightly opened mouth (and the action draws a curiously wet little giggle out of him). "D'you still trust me enough, Haru...?"

Haruka _does_. He probably shouldn't, all things considered, but it's not as if he can simply switch it off. It's too late for that now.

"I think I've been doing a little more than that lately," He confesses, somewhat timidly, as he impulsively finds himself taking a whole other kind of gamble. "Is that OK?"

Rin licks his lips — whether nervously, or something else entirely, Haruka can't tell (but he's close enough for him to actually _hear_ Rin do it) — in response, and seems to need a moment to let the full implication of Haruka's words sink in. "I don't know," He eventually offers, voice barely over a whisper. "I really don't know anymore. Is that... 'OK', too?"

Haruka isn't sure if it really _is_ , to be honest. He knows that Rin wants him; enough to let Haruka touch him, and kiss him (sometimes), and be closer to him than Haruka has ever been to anyone before. Haruka wouldn't have dared to take any of the liberties he has if Rin hadn't made _that_ part so clear. It's just that Haruka thinks he'd rather draw a clear line, right here, if there's a chance Rin will come to regret it _later_. He knows they're supposed to be young and foolish (and completely at the mercy of their hormones), but that doesn't mean he's fine with the idea of never being more than just a mistake to Rin.

No.

Not _Rin_.

Never Rin.

Rin is different. Rin is an irreplaceable friend, before all of the other things that he is (and isn't), and Haruka hates that he might be taking advantage of the vulnerable state Rin is in right now. Even if, by doing so, Haruka is leaving himself wide open to exploitation of another type altogether. If only he knew how to stop himself from doing any of it, right?

As if he's able to sense Haruka's turmoil, Rin warily adds: "It's not that I don't feel the same way. You _do_ know that, don't you?"

Haruka nods, knowing Rin will be able to _feel_ him do it (with his hands, and the tip of his nose, and by the warm breath ghosting over his face). "I know," He lies, because there's nothing else for him to do. "It's fine, Rin."

But Rin is suddenly pulling at his hair, then, and arching his back just so; and then he's kissing the corner of Haruka's mouth, and making such a needy sound that Haruka can't do anything _other_ than align their lips properly and steal Rin's next (oh so shaky) exhale. It kind of feels like it might be their _last_ , so he does his best to make it count. He allows Rin to set the pace, let's Rin's hands wander all over his shoulders and his sides, and opens his mouth to let Rin show him how to use his tongue to coax more of those noises out of him.

It's pretty weird, at first, and uncomfortably wet. But then Rin makes another keening sound between them, and suddenly Haruka can feel himself getting hard. Rin's saliva tastes a little bit like mandarins, and apple juice, and something Haruka can't put his finger on (but decides he rather likes, anyway). His body is _so warm_ under Haruka's, and his mouth is so welcoming, and he can't have missed that Haruka is more than a little turned-on by their proximity.

He doesn't push Haruka away, though.

In fact, Haruka's pretty sure he's being held even closer than he was before.

It's surprisingly easy, then, to experimentally grind his groin down into Rin's hip and earn himself a pleased little whimper from Rin's lips. It's _nice_. It feels pretty good, even with all of the layers of clothing between them, and when he eventually shifts his body an inch or two to the left he can feel Rin isn't that far behind him at all. Encouraged by that dizzying knowledge, Haruka repeats the motion.

Just once, at first, and then another couple of times (more slowly, more gently, more _everything_ ). Rin actually lets him _do_ it, too, groaning his appreciation into Haruka's open mouth and occasionally whispering Haruka's name in a startlingly tender way.

Rin is being so _vocal_. It's kind of starting to make Haruka feel a little faint.

Well.

Until Rin abruptly decides he's had enough, that is. Haruka has no idea _what_ he'd done to accidentally blow the fuse, but the lights go off between them as abruptly as a real power-outage would've left them in the dark. Rin goes completely limp underneath him, letting his hands slide off of Haruka's back and down to the floor with twin little _thuds_ , and seems to be desperately hoping for the tatami to swallow him up soon.

"Fuck."

That's all Rin says.

Haruka stares at him, utterly bewildered, for a long moment. Until he's finally able to find his bearings again, and hoarsely ask Rin: "What's wrong?"

Rin lets out another groan, then, and it isn't a very pleasant sound this time. "Give me some space," He half-begs, half-orders (in a way only _he_ could pull off so naturally). "I'm fine. I just need a moment. It's not _you_ , Haru."

Haruka immediately scrambles off of him, and obligingly moves to the opposite side of the table. When he gets there, he promptly helps himself to Rin's mostly untouched drink (in a rather misguided attempt to rid himself of the lingering taste of Rin's addictive mouth). He's still reeling a bit from the sudden end of ———— well, whatever it was that they'd been doing.

His head feels unusually light, too. Like his sleep-deprivation has finally caught up with him (or his blood sugar is running low), or _something_.

It's weird.

"OK," Haruka says, then, and immediately regrets it; the short little word seems to have lost most of its meaning after being bandied about so often this morning. It tastes awkward on his tongue, too, just like the lukewarm apple juice had done. "Are you _sure_?"

He can't actually see Rin from here (since the tabletop blocks most his view), but he's pretty sure Rin is nodding. "Stop fishing for compliments," He says, with unexpected (but incredibly satisfying) finality. "You _know_ I liked it."

"Too much...?" Haruka asks, because Rin doesn't seem inclined to tell him anything else without a little coaching (and it's better than focusing on how uncomfortably hard he still is). " _Rin_."

"That blockage in your ear must pretty be impressive," Rin complains, reassuringly loudly, and finally heaves himself back upright. "I'm sorry. It's just _—_ I think you should probably begin telling me _your_ terms now, all right? _"_

Haruka's breath gets stuck halfway down his throat. It's suddenly incredibly obvious, now, why Rin had felt the need to create a safe distance between them. "OK," He says again, on auto-pilot, and tries not to let on how nervous the sight of Rin _—_ surrounded by pitch black, ghostly tendrils _—_ is making him feel. "OK."

"Well?" Rin prompts, as if he's challenging Haruka to mention it (and imploring him to make it all _better_ , somehow, at the very same time).

Haruka doesn't think he's capable of a feat like that, so he opts for granting Rin's only spoken request instead: "I want as much time as you can give me to live a reasonably normal life as an athlete," He begins, cautiously, because that seems to be the most important clause for him to stipulate right now. "And I want to swim  _—_ with you, if you'd like _—_ in the best pools all over the world. No injuries, accidents or diseases. If you can do all of that, I guess."

"Don't you know you're entitled to a lot more than that, Haru?" Rin quietly asks him, then, very seriously. He's watching Haruka like a hawk, fiercely glowing eyes intently tracking every little movement and expression Haruka makes. "You could have your own pool. I could even throw in a nice little apartment in Tokyo as a bonus _—_ or an inexhaustible supply of mackerel, if that's what gets you hot. I really don't _care_ , you know? I'd never judge you for anything you ask for."

Haruka has to swallow down the temptation to agree (to all of the above). In the end, he settles for: "That's all."

As if by some unspoken agreement they both glance at towards the clock on the wall, then.

 **06:12 AM** , it reads.

Rin lets out an audible gush of air, stands up, and pointedly holds his hand out to Haruka. "Not in here," He explains, in an oddly contradictory manner: equal parts _uncertain_ and _decisive_. It actually suits him pretty well, in an irritating kind of way. "We'd be ruining too many memories, and I heard there's supposed to be a party in here later."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do still have a little more written --- but I thought this would be a good place to end it (for now?). 
> 
> I hope there wasn't anything _too_ confusing, though! I've given you guys 99% of all the little hints now, so I could technically write something set further in the future next (if the next chapter of this doesn't work out). If you've watched/read Kuroshitsuji you'll know that Rin isn't telling Haruka everything --- but it should be starting to become pretty obvious _why_. HOPEFULLY.
> 
> ANYWAY, LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK. ;) ;) ;)
> 
> P.S. Rin's kind of starting to sound like a genie in a bottle, isn't he? I have no idea if he can really give Haruka his own pool. I think _Rin_ doesn't know either, and is just banking on the fact that Haruka'd only ask for relatively simple 'wishes'. I did say this is only loosely based on Kuroshitsuji, didn't I... *sweats nervously!*


End file.
